Into August We Go...

Nothing massively new to report.
Around the 24th we'll be going to Utah to look for a home to rent and in September(hopefully the second week)we will move up that way and be done with Vegas and Nevada once and for all!!!!

My husbands doctors still dont know what they are doing and so moving to an area with new doctors and new eyes looking at his situation will be nice too.

His doctor keeps saying "ohhh well Ill study up on some meds and see which will be better" but never does. He doesnt even remember Dan from appt to appt. Anywho, Dans not had chemo since the end of June and the pill thing wasnt gonna do it and Dan worried about taking it and all that so its a no go.
Now the doctor says there is some other chemo meds, begins with a K dont recall the full name tho LOL, that they can try on the 22nd. However, it too is a marrow surpressant which means he'll go through the same damn thing he was with the other meds...lowered platelet counts and permanent damage done to it(already is some)and so chemo cant be administered as often as they'd like.

What good is it gonna do my husband to go back on a chemo drug he wont be able to have when scheduled cuz of low and damaged platelets???? Stupid, stupid doctors. Dan wont do it, he's already made up his mind he wont try that drug because he refuses to further damage his marrow. I dont blame him, honestly at this point Id not do anymore meds....none have worked to shrink the tumors really and all they've done is ruin his marrow and his spleen has been enlarged and permanently damaged in that respect(cuz they cant fix the spleen issue).

So that is where we are now. Getting ready to look for a home and move out of this place that none of us want to stay in and start fresh and new.

Quick Update

So I havent really said much since the 4th. So Ill make this quick update...

My husbands "brother" is now finally seeing his daughter thanks to my husband and I footing his legal bill so he could serve his ex and now she's sucking up to him a lot cuz she realizes she screwed up and could lose all custody of the daughter if this goes to court.
This just adds to the mell of a hess in my small place. She's quiet and relatively shy but still the same spoiled, treated like a fragile baby as she was when I first knew her. Only worse this time cuz she didnt get to see her daddy for a long while and so she's treated as even more delicate for the horror she's endured(insert eye roll). She's also a picky eater so now we have to foot a more expensive food bill to make sure there are a few things here she'll eat. Yes, I will use it all for my family if needbe but its still mostly to make sure she eats at dinner time.
Yes, Im a bit angry about it all but dont get a choice so I suck it up just like I do everything else concerning this aspect of our world.

My 7 yr old lost another tooth yesterday. That makes 2 upper teeth lost in about 2 weeks. He looks soooo cute missing those top teeth!
My 5 yr old wont potty train, he's content doing his business in diapers...guess he wont ever play a sport or take dance or go to school. Gad I wish I could get through to him.
My 3 1/2 yr old is doing excellently with potty training. He's day trained just working on the nap/night stuff.

My husband had to see a surgeon about his knee. The ortho had him get an MRI of it and it was labeled 'STAT' but when we saw the surgeon the MRI pic hadnt been sent to him only the short report which stated they saw some arthritis. So now we call next week and they call the Imaging place and then the surgeon will call if he sees other stuff in there causing the pain and will call my hubby with a plan of action.

Now we have Obama threatening vets and elderly and others on social security(that would be us)about this debt ceiling crapola. So thats added an extra fear into our hearts that wasnt necessary. Im not worried, the politicians are greedy, power mad fools but they dont want millions on their doorsteps over this and it will happen if they hold back social security from all the folks who need it to survive. Dear hubby is worried even tho he logically realizes it will be fine it still freaks him out.

Im very tired....Im slowly falling apart I can feel it but Im holding on with all I can cuz one of us in this house needs to keep it together and its gonna be me since the other adults have already lost it.

Next week is hubbys next oncology appointment so hopefully his numbers are good and we can make a new game plan for treatment cuz the pill they gave him is soooo not worth taking. It makes ya bleed and stuff and just was no good so we need to try another something or other.

Next month is searching for a new home in Utah where we want to move and raise our family. Wish us luck!!

ttfn...

Happy 4th!!

I just hope you all have a marvelous Independance day celebration. Be safe, travel well, and enjoy!!!!

READ the Labels Please Before Prescribing...

So we finally got Dans new meds in the mail yesterday. The literature we were given in the doctors office was soooo much propaganda and didnt even cover 1/2 of what can go down with this medicine.


The literature we were given said there was like a 45% increase in those who stayed alive after a year by taking this pill. The actual insert with instructions and side effects and ingredients and all that....5% of those who took this lived past a year. Ummm what kind of odds are those????????????????


And Dans cancer is small cell, this pill is for NON small cell. So um would it even work at all? Plus he has an enlarged spleen so he must be cautious to not cause trauma to that area or bleeding and all that....this stuff has a high chance of causing internal bleeding(particularly in the stomach area). Ummmm not a good idea to even risk it with a man who has the issues he does, wouldnt ya think anyway?


So he says he wont take it. He will call the oncology nurses on Monday and see what they have to say(he trusts them over all the doctors in that clinic even his new one). I know that for now he wont take them but he may change his mind after speaking to them...we shall see. I dont want him taking stuff that he's uncomfy with and has all these serious side effects that we certainly dont wanna risk...kwim?


We see his oncologist again on the 29th, see what happens then. All I know is that I cant wait to move out of this state cuz perhaps we'll be lucky to get a set of doctors that will have more to say or more to pull out of their hats then what these guys have done. There has got to be something to help kill this crap that wont kill his platelets too.


*sigh*


Tomorrows Fathers Day and he never wants me to do anything for him yet I always have(probably guilt over him never doing anything for me for Mothers day). I wont feel guilty over not having our kids thank him for being a good daddy and all that. Plus, this year was the first year one of our kids(our 7 yr old)actually asked to get him something...not gonna say no to that. So I made sure to get him this really nice blue tie and a card from the boys and one from me. I like letting him know how I feel about him from time to time so this provides an opportunity for that as well.


I hope everyone who reads this has a nice and calm Fathers Day celebrating those men in our lives who helped create us, helped raise us, and who helped us create life.

Potato Salad

Have you ever noticed potato salad tastes better after its been in the fridge for a couple of days?

I think thats a lot like life decisions...sometimes they "taste" better after sitting for a couple of days and not being "eaten" immediately.

Just a thought, that is all....

My Goddess...

Im speaking of Lakshmi, my matroness. This is where Id post a picture if my husband hadnt have done something to our computer and now I cant get photobucket or the like to let me do so LOL.

She is the Hindu goddess of wealth, prosperity, good fortune, generosity, courage and so on. She's believed to be the embodiment of grace and beauty as well and she protects her followers from misery and money-related icks. She is Vishnu's consort/wife and is known as a source of strength to many as well as, its said, she is the embodiment of love by which you can reach God(Vishnu).
She is also closely associated with the lotus flower(which is beautiful btw) which symbolizes purity of mind, body, soul.

I have her statue on my altar and every morning I see her smile and it makes me feel a titch better. Im not the greatest at honoring her daily as I should. I want to do a simple daily devotion when I get up I just forget and then my boys wake up and all hell breaks loose cuz they dont know the meaning of quiet or whispering(Im sure all my parent buddies know what I mean).

When I first started my journey I didnt have a matroness or patron deity, I just spoke and did rituals and such in a general sense. I had it in the back of my head that if I was to have a main deity that they'd let me know in time.

I meditated a couple of times about it and just always had it there in the back of my mind, simmering I suppose you could say.

I kind of expected my deity to be from the Greek or Egyptian pantheons because those are cultures Ive long been interested and intrigued by. But no, I was meant to learn more about Hinduism and apply it to my life as part of my spirituality.

This is how she made herself known to me:

Remember, I said I had meditated and asked for signs and such when it came to who I was connected with and always had that in the back of my head. So I kept my radars out and went on with life. One day my husband had on an old Kolchak show and one of the scenes had the bad guy running in front of a restaurant...it was called Lakshmi. I thought it was odd but it hummed in my head so I looked up what that word meant. It was at this point it sort of stuck in my head and I began seeing her name everywhere, it was the weirdest thing. Id be flipping a page in a newspaper and her name would be there, it would be heard on the tv for no real reason...she wasnt even the main topic but her name was there somehow.

I knew in my soul and heart it was her calling to me, telling me we were connected and I needed to learn more and that she'd be here for me.

I realize that might sound odd to some or silly to others but there is no denying what I felt deep within my soul.
Funny thing is she is the Goddess of fortune and wealth and at the time we were searching for new work and such and so another connection was found as to why she came into my world. Even now she fits into our home with all thats going on in it. I just need to do better at giving her some honor in my daily life and strengthening our connection and that spark of Divinity that lies within myself.

So anywho...that is my Goddess and the story of how she came into my life. I never had a strong connection to a God until last year when I realized it just made sense to honor her consort, Vishnu, as my God. Why seperate them? kwim...and the more I thought that way the stronger the "thats right" feeling was. So one day soon I hope to get the matching statue of him to place next to her on our altar.


ttfn...

New Siggy...

Does this siggy work for everyone or does it need a redo??