Saturday, January 1, 2011

BuBye 2010

I cant say Ill miss ya, cuz I wont. I never miss the years...they go too quickly to miss for me anymore.

Let me tell you what 2010 meant to me...

End of my normal and reassurance that kindness does exist, thats what it meant to me.

In the beginning of the year we struggled financially but held our own as Dan tried to find work(as did I)with no results.
Then we lost income and on the verge of losing our home we found out about the cancer. Then we lost the house cuz we couldnt afford rent anymore.

I found out that my online friends are amazing and that I had friends I didnt even know I had and was blessed to have each and every one of them.

Then it was living hither and thither until September when we finally got SSI turned in and approved and into a state and then gov't(HUD) run program that helped us get into a place(2 bdrm apt)to live for the next year. Through this HUD program we have been blessed beyond words by strangers who have given of themselves and their time and money to make my boys happy(and in turn me and Dan). The blessings are too much to repay but they will be paid forward as we begin giving to others as best we can cuz we love doing it and havent been able to this past year but we will in 2011 come hell or high water!

Dan started chemo and his health went into the toilet. He's been in the hospital 3 times since November to have blood and plasma transfusions. His personality has shifted into PMSville(never know what you are gonna get). He's tired ALL the time and sleeps most of every day. He's hurting and you can hear it while he sleeps cuz of the moans and groans and wimpers and crys. He now has fire burning in both legs and numbness on the surface of both legs. This is either due to his already wrecked and needing surgery back or the new med he's on for keeping his red blood cells up.

So, he could end up in a wheelchair before too long if this keeps up. He doesnt remember for more than 5 mins a lot of the time and sometimes he isnt sure of the day or where he is, etc. Sometimes he seems to talk about things I havent a clue about or what he means,etc yet he thinks it pertains to the current conversation.

This is not easy. I miss our old normal but life has slowly shifted to the new normal and although its hard and heart breaking we will survive and we will get through all of this better and stronger.

Now onto 2011....
This year will be the year we beat his cancer! It will be the year we move out of Vegas and up to Utah to be in a calm place near friends and relatives. It is the year of spiritual strengthening.

So there is the update. Same ole, same ole. Tuesday he gets his two chemo meds and will be very tired for several days afterwards.

This year we reunited Dan with his old friend and they are enjoying each others company and I hope that remains cuz they both could use a friend right now. This is the year we say goodbye to Dans brother who lived closest to us because they've decided to cut themselves out of our lives since we cant help them any longer. Good bye, good riddence, and sorry you suck as human beings. I hope you find your way and somehow you find happiness cuz being the selfish twits you are cant give you too much of it....please find it!

The End...