Saturday, June 18, 2011

READ the Labels Please Before Prescribing...

So we finally got Dans new meds in the mail yesterday. The literature we were given in the doctors office was soooo much propaganda and didnt even cover 1/2 of what can go down with this medicine.

The literature we were given said there was like a 45% increase in those who stayed alive after a year by taking this pill. The actual insert with instructions and side effects and ingredients and all that....5% of those who took this lived past a year. Ummm what kind of odds are those????????????????

And Dans cancer is small cell, this pill is for NON small cell. So um would it even work at all? Plus he has an enlarged spleen so he must be cautious to not cause trauma to that area or bleeding and all that....this stuff has a high chance of causing internal bleeding(particularly in the stomach area). Ummmm not a good idea to even risk it with a man who has the issues he does, wouldnt ya think anyway?

So he says he wont take it. He will call the oncology nurses on Monday and see what they have to say(he trusts them over all the doctors in that clinic even his new one). I know that for now he wont take them but he may change his mind after speaking to them...we shall see. I dont want him taking stuff that he's uncomfy with and has all these serious side effects that we certainly dont wanna risk...kwim?

We see his oncologist again on the 29th, see what happens then. All I know is that I cant wait to move out of this state cuz perhaps we'll be lucky to get a set of doctors that will have more to say or more to pull out of their hats then what these guys have done. There has got to be something to help kill this crap that wont kill his platelets too.


Tomorrows Fathers Day and he never wants me to do anything for him yet I always have(probably guilt over him never doing anything for me for Mothers day). I wont feel guilty over not having our kids thank him for being a good daddy and all that. Plus, this year was the first year one of our kids(our 7 yr old)actually asked to get him something...not gonna say no to that. So I made sure to get him this really nice blue tie and a card from the boys and one from me. I like letting him know how I feel about him from time to time so this provides an opportunity for that as well.

I hope everyone who reads this has a nice and calm Fathers Day celebrating those men in our lives who helped create us, helped raise us, and who helped us create life.


Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Potato Salad

Have you ever noticed potato salad tastes better after its been in the fridge for a couple of days?

I think thats a lot like life decisions...sometimes they "taste" better after sitting for a couple of days and not being "eaten" immediately.

Just a thought, that is all....


Sunday, June 12, 2011

My Goddess...

Im speaking of Lakshmi, my matroness. This is where Id post a picture if my husband hadnt have done something to our computer and now I cant get photobucket or the like to let me do so LOL.

She is the Hindu goddess of wealth, prosperity, good fortune, generosity, courage and so on. She's believed to be the embodiment of grace and beauty as well and she protects her followers from misery and money-related icks. She is Vishnu's consort/wife and is known as a source of strength to many as well as, its said, she is the embodiment of love by which you can reach God(Vishnu).
She is also closely associated with the lotus flower(which is beautiful btw) which symbolizes purity of mind, body, soul.

I have her statue on my altar and every morning I see her smile and it makes me feel a titch better. Im not the greatest at honoring her daily as I should. I want to do a simple daily devotion when I get up I just forget and then my boys wake up and all hell breaks loose cuz they dont know the meaning of quiet or whispering(Im sure all my parent buddies know what I mean).

When I first started my journey I didnt have a matroness or patron deity, I just spoke and did rituals and such in a general sense. I had it in the back of my head that if I was to have a main deity that they'd let me know in time.

I meditated a couple of times about it and just always had it there in the back of my mind, simmering I suppose you could say.

I kind of expected my deity to be from the Greek or Egyptian pantheons because those are cultures Ive long been interested and intrigued by. But no, I was meant to learn more about Hinduism and apply it to my life as part of my spirituality.

This is how she made herself known to me:

Remember, I said I had meditated and asked for signs and such when it came to who I was connected with and always had that in the back of my head. So I kept my radars out and went on with life. One day my husband had on an old Kolchak show and one of the scenes had the bad guy running in front of a was called Lakshmi. I thought it was odd but it hummed in my head so I looked up what that word meant. It was at this point it sort of stuck in my head and I began seeing her name everywhere, it was the weirdest thing. Id be flipping a page in a newspaper and her name would be there, it would be heard on the tv for no real reason...she wasnt even the main topic but her name was there somehow.

I knew in my soul and heart it was her calling to me, telling me we were connected and I needed to learn more and that she'd be here for me.

I realize that might sound odd to some or silly to others but there is no denying what I felt deep within my soul.
Funny thing is she is the Goddess of fortune and wealth and at the time we were searching for new work and such and so another connection was found as to why she came into my world. Even now she fits into our home with all thats going on in it. I just need to do better at giving her some honor in my daily life and strengthening our connection and that spark of Divinity that lies within myself.

So anywho...that is my Goddess and the story of how she came into my life. I never had a strong connection to a God until last year when I realized it just made sense to honor her consort, Vishnu, as my God. Why seperate them? kwim...and the more I thought that way the stronger the "thats right" feeling was. So one day soon I hope to get the matching statue of him to place next to her on our altar.


Thursday, June 9, 2011

New Siggy...

Does this siggy work for everyone or does it need a redo??


No More Chemo

My husbands platelets are just not recovering after his chemo sessions like they should. Noone wants to risk his marrow collapsing completely and all that that would mean. So we had new CT scans done last week and today the doctor sent in a prescription(probably get it in a week)for a new experimental pill that is designed to prolong life.

This means we are in the end run, hopefully we can get several years out of this drug but who knows. Either way we will stay positive, hope the side effects are minimal and take things a day at a time.

The pill can damage the liver(thats where the cancer is mainly) and thyroid(so now he'll have to have that checked every 3 months). Plus other icky side effects. We shall see how it goes and do like always...take it a day at a time!

His CT scans showed that the tumors in his liver and lungs hadnt really done much changing(except in the hylar region and they shrunk a bit but were still seeable and such). However, his spleen has grown again by 3 cm's!! Not one bloomin' thing they can do either cuz they said it wont rupture without trauma to it(not sure I buy that). So we just have to make sure he isnt doing stuff that will whack that area hard.

He's so tired anymore, I feel bad cuz I cant help him and he isnt sure why he's so tired either. *sigh*

On the bright side, we got the car registration renewed today and didnt spend but around an hour in the DMV!!!!!!!



Sunday, June 5, 2011

And Now He's Five!

He went from this(a week old):

To this(age 5):

All that in just 5 short years. He is my second born, Av.

He is sweet, kind, and lazy. Its an interesting combination but it works for him. He who is on his own timeline and always has been.
He rolled over, both directions, at 2 weeks and he held his head up with no real wobble at a week(see first pic). He didnt sit up til 9 months. He didnt walk til after he was a year and he refused to give up his bottle, even for a sippy cup, til 18 months when he decided he was done and drank straight from a cup from that point on. He wouldnt talk except in his own sweet language til after he was 2, not even a mama or dada, although he completely understood what we said or what we asked of him. He was just satisfied talking his own talk. He still isnt potty trained and as horrid as that is(and trust me I hate it) there isnt anything physically wrong with him, he's just lazy and wont do it til he's darn good and he has all his life.

He is also the most kind and giving person you'll meet. He sees you upset and he does what he can to bring the smile or laugh back to your face. One time, when he was a bit over 2, his big brother got in trouble and didnt get cookies for snack. He was crying and upset so Av went over and handed him one of his 2 cookies just so his big brother would stop crying and feeling sad. That is just who Av is.

He's a charmer, could charm a snake back into the ground with a flash of his devilishly sweet smile. Cant ever stay mad at him even if you want to.

Its just who he is and Im proud to be his mommy and proud he is part of our family...making our day brighter and being a good brother(most days)to his big and little brothers.

Happy #5 my AveryDoodle...glad it was a good one!

Friday, June 3, 2011

Cart Before Horse, Zones, and Other Such Goings On

So since my last update a few things have changed.

Dans about ready to end chemo it looks like. Everytime they give him the drugs his platelet count(as well as the white and red cell count)go down. And its taking longer and longer for it to recover, used to take a week and now takes like 3 weeks to get back up to a decent level. Not even a great level just a decent one.

So at our last visit(nearly 3 weeks ago)we were told he'd probably end up on a chemo pill. Near as I can find its really a maintenance pill to prolong and hold the cancer steady for as long as possible. So its kind of the end of the road treatment-wise. Dans already in that zone while Im waiting to see if the doctor, for sure, is gonna do this. Dan thinks Im not accepting that this is the end and now its just wait for the end to come be it a few months or years, etc.

Ive accepted that the end will come but I dont like saying things are gonna happen when the doctors change their mind everytime we go in. So Id rather wait til the 8th(next appt)and see what he says or does then go from there. To me its like putting the cart before the horse but Dans already in the zone and you cant explain yourself once he's there.

Boys are doing alright, they really dont get any of this even tho they know daddy is very sick. Dan tried to explain it to our oldest(he's 7) and thinks he got it but I dont think so. It doesnt really matter, these are subjects that are mentioned and talked about quite often and we dont hide the kids in their room while they are being discussed so they are bound to catch on and we'll talk to them more specifically and answer any of their questions as they come up.

Dan is getting new scans done this morning so we'll know exactly where the cancer is and all that jazz by the time we get to the doctors next week too. He's hurting so much in the abdomen we are both concerned its spreading since chemo has been so screwy and non-existent(basically).

Not much else really going on. Trying to save up to move in September but Im still holding my breath on that one too.

Kids are being ok. They get bored and they are just super active all the time always wanting to do, do, and do some more. I feel bad that the construction and other things hinder their outside activity. We dont really have a backyard as this is an apartment but we could do more walking and such if it werent for construction all over the place making it unsafe.

Guess thats about it for now. Think I caught everyone up to date!