Saturday, November 5, 2011

October Into November Thoughts and Doings

So, November is upon us and with it comes wintertime. In Vegas it would be chillier but no snow or leaves really changing colors and all that fun stuff fall/winter bring with it.

However, we arent in Vegas anymore.

Very end of September we made our move to northern Utah. It was a horrible, horrible move ending in my van breaking down an hour outside our destination and having to swap vehicles onto the moving van trailer on the freeway during rush hour. Got to our new place at around 9p and by 8a the next morning our neighbors were already annoying us with whines of needing us to move this vehicle or that vehicle...even tho there is no assigned parking and we just got there the evening before. What a lovely start to a new place.

Took about 2 wks to get my husband to chill out he was so mad at everything and everyone it was very unpleasant. On the bright side Im now near friends and family and have enjoyed having them close and caring.

Dans seen his new primary doctor and so far, she's very cool. Yup...a girl doctor! LOL
He sees his new oncologist on the 29th so we still have a bit before knowing what that will produce.

Its been very hard with a neighbor who demanded respect from us the second day we were here but has loud arguments and door slamming and wall banging at hours after 10p(her favorite hour seems to be around 1am for all of this). I swear the lady and her kin dont seem to know how NOT to slam a door so thats made for some bad feelings. We just report the over the top stuff to the apartment manager(who is my friend LOL) and let her note it. Dans been in a pickle of a mood the majority of our time here thus far and only cares about his stupid car. I HATE his car and he's spending all our money on getting it prepped to register this month.
Money is super tight cuz we moved which washed all our extras out so it sucks and he just doesnt seem to care. He's treated me poorly too which hurts and irks. I think so often of what would happen if I leave and I have so many who say I should or wonder how I can put up with it.

This is my reply:
What keeps me here is the knowledge that what is going on now with Dan is not who he truly is. Its a combo of meds, fear, pain, anger,etc. I know who he truly is as a person and the man I love. That gives me hope and helps me enjoy the times that man reappears. If I leave him, even tho I think about it often, the real him would not exist anymore and he'd give in even more to the rottenness and let his vengeful side take over. I stay because of those brief moments that I see my true husband, my true Love and because I know that at the end of it all...when he's gone, I can move forward knowing all that could be done was done and I was strong enough to stick out the ugly times and the peace will come.

Its been nice being here despite the down spots because the feeling in the air is different, its calmer and we've all felt it and enjoyed it. We have all loved watching real Fall and now Winter and my boys are ecstatic about snow. It will be fun watching their wonder in it all.

Oh there was one bright spot to the hell that was our move(did I mention the moving van broke down right after we started out too so we had to go swap all our stuff into a new one and that was the beginning of our horrid journey)....when I had to get the two youngest boys out of the family van we were on the roadside. They noticed a v-pattern of birds flying past them in the air and noted that it was a ton of birds. They also were curious why so many and why flying in such an odd way. So, for the first time ever, I got to explain the migration of birds during cold weather and they were in such awe of that AND that they got to see a sky full of stars. They absolutely loved it and I loved watching the wonder and awe in their faces as they watched the birds and the twinkling stars.

So thats our update!

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