Sunday, October 24, 2010


Its been like living in PMSville lately with Dan and his ups and downs.

I always realized there would be highs and lows but DANG! I never realized men could PMS just as bad as women LOL.

One minute he's happy and giggly then the next he's pissed cuz I didnt remember something just right. Then two minutes later he's being goofy and stuff like that.

I never know which way the wind will blow in my home and its very unsettling. I will be happy when its over but I realize, at the same time, that things wont ever be what they used to be. We are figuring out our new normal and it will take time.

Chemo and cancer change your world forever, its something Im realizing when I think about next year and the year after,etc. They wont ever be quite like I had envisioned a year ago.

I just hope my nerves hang in ther eduring this unsettled time with his emotions and his side effects and all that goes along with trying to kill the cancer within him.
And then we have afternoons like yesterday....

We dont know whats up but he's got this horrid headache that is so bad he squeezed my hand til it ached and he's had periods of dimentia?

Not sure if that is the right term or not but its like he has no clue whats going on or what time or day it is,etc. Like he argued with me for 5 mins over hearing aids he thought he wore but never has. He cant walk without my assistance cuz his balance is off. He's fallen over a couple of times.

He's done the fallen over and been out of it a couple times before but its been a couple of weeks. No idea what triggers these things but he wont let me take him to the hospital cuz all they will do is observe him and send him home the next day and he sees no point in it but dang its freaky to see him this out of it and unsteady and scared and he's so apologetic(like he can help it). These meds SUCK!!!!!

He's losing his hair and is now experiencing major itchiness and tingling in his hands and feet.

Man this stuff is rough. And even though its freaky Im still calm internally. Hope it stays that way as this gets worse before better.

Im glad the boys dont overreact or really notice these things...that helps some but when he's in a ticked off mood it can be difficult for them to grasp what is going on. They have to be kids but at the same time we need a bit more from them somedays...its a hard line to try and manage.

And I think that catches us up for now. Today he still feels crappy but not like last night. As Ive said before and Ill continue to say...a day at a time and sometimes an hour at a time is the best way to deal so you can keep positive and keep sane.

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